Not All Men? Let’s Talk About It.
Trigger warning: This post discusses domestic and family violence.
“Not all men.” Yeah, we’ve heard it. And we get it - not every man is violent. Some are allies, advocates, friends, fathers, brothers, partners. But here’s the truth nobody likes to shout: gendered violence is overwhelmingly committed by men against women.
Ignoring that reality won’t make it disappear. It won’t make streets, homes, workplaces, or relationships safer. It won’t make 1 in 4 Australian women (that’s millions of people) any less likely to experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime (AIHW, 2025).
The Stats Don’t Lie
1 in 4 Australian women experience physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime (AIHW, 2025).
1 in 6 women experience stalking (ABS, 2023).
Men account for over 80% of perpetrators of domestic and family violence (AIHW, 2025).
Yes, “not all men.” But enough men commit enough violence that women live with vigilance as a daily habit - walking home, going out at night, even scrolling their phones. Safety isn’t optional. It’s something women fight for, every day.
“But What About Violence Against Men?”
Glad you asked. Men absolutely experience violence, too. In Australia:
Around 1 in 16 men experience physical or sexual violence by a partner (AIHW, 2025).
Men are less likely to report it due to stigma, shame, and social expectations.
Here’s the deal: acknowledging that men can experience violence doesn’t erase the fact that domestic and family violence is highly gendered. Women, transgender, and gender-diverse people are statistically at far higher risk of severe injury, sexual violence, and fatal outcomes.
So yes - support male survivors. Always. But let’s not dilute the conversation with “what about men?” as a way to sidestep accountability for the majority of perpetrators.
Types of Gendered Violence
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, stalking, coercive control - it’s all about power and control, not “love” or “passion.” Let’s remind ourselves why statistics matter: this isn’t abstract theory. It’s lived reality.
Physical abuse: 31% of women have experienced it since age 15 (ABS, 2023).
Emotional abuse: 23% of women report it (AIHW, 2025).
Economic abuse: 16% of women have been financially controlled by a partner (AIHW, 2025).
Sexual abuse: 22% of women experience sexual violence by a partner (ABS, 2023).
Every statistic represents a lived experience, someone whose life was disrupted, whose autonomy was stolen, whose safety was violated.
Gendered Violence Isn’t Just Personal - It’s Societal
Here’s where it gets messy, and where most posts stop: domestic violence isn’t just about “bad apples.” It’s systemic, socialised, and reinforced by institutions, culture, and norms.
Patriarchy: From childhood, boys and men are socialised to dominate, control, and suppress emotions. Girls are socialised to be compliant, accommodating, and self-sacrificing. The imbalance of power begins before the first fight.
Cultural messaging: Media, advertising, and social narratives often normalise aggression, entitlement, and control. From “boys will be boys” to romanticising jealousy and possessiveness, these messages tell men violence is acceptable and women’s boundaries are negotiable.
Institutional failures: Police, courts, workplaces, and social services frequently fail survivors. Underfunding, victim-blaming, and slow responses mean accountability is low and perpetrators go unpunished.
Economic dependence: Women are disproportionately responsible for caregiving and are often financially dependent, making escape more complicated and dangerous.
All of this combines to create a society where gendered violence isn’t just tolerated - it’s baked into daily life. It shapes the choices women make, the spaces they occupy, and the freedom they feel. And until these systemic issues are addressed, the “not all men” defence is just noise.
Men Can Be Part of the Solution
Allies don’t get defensive - they act. Men can:
Call out abuse when they see it.
Educate themselves on consent, coercive control, and misogyny.
Hold other men accountable.
Support charities and programs helping survivors.
Because real change doesn’t come from hashtags or deflection, it comes from action, awareness, and accountability.
At Daughter of Fire, We Don’t Just Make Tees
At Daughter of Fire, we don’t just make tees. We make statements. Every tee each month contributes to our monthly donations to charities supporting women, helping survivors reclaim their safety and their power. Because real change isn’t a hashtag - it’s action, solidarity, and accountability.
So next time someone says “not all men,” remember: we’re not ignoring the men who aren’t violent. We’re calling out the men who are, and the systems that protect them.
And next time someone says “what about men?” remember: support male survivors, yes - but don’t erase the fact that gendered violence is a systemic, societal problem that overwhelmingly harms women.
If you or someone you know needs support:
1800RESPECT – National 24/7 helpline for domestic and family violence and sexual assault. Call 1800 737 732 or chat online.
Lifeline – Crisis support and suicide prevention, available 24/7. Call 13 11 14.
Men’s Referral Service – Support for men using or experiencing family violence. Call 1300 766 491.
Kids Helpline – Free counselling for children and teens. Call 1800 55 1800.
Local shelters and community services – Many organisations offer safe housing, counselling, legal support, and culturally safe programs.
